"That new Assistant Professor candidate with the curly red hair had some interesting data, but I am not sure he really got his main point across," you say to your tenured colleague just after the candidate's job seminar. Your colleague, Dr. Ben Harawhyle, responds: "Yeah, I think he may he may have a nice system, too, but he ran out of time and ended just when he was getting to the cool results. ...
"How am I ever going to get through all of these grants? There must be more than 200 pages here. I didn't think there would be this much reading, and I only have 2 weeks before I have to send my comments in!" you exclaim to your colleague with the curly red hair. "Relax," he replies, "all you have to do is spend a day on each, and you're done. Piece of cake." Your colleague is right about the tim...
"Wow, an article in Big-Time Science Magazine! Congratulations! You're sure to get tenure now!" So you say to your buddy with the curly red hair as you walk down the hall. During this walk/conversation, the two of you may question why you made this statement, what the real differences are between journals, and why some are considered to be more prestigious than others. This article will discuss t...
To Accept or Reject? "What do you think I should do about this paper?" you ask your colleague. "There are some obvious problems that are fixable, but it is written so poorly, it's going to take me 3 days to figure out how to tell them what they need to do." Your colleague with the curly red hair leans back in his chair. "You think you've got problems?" he says. "I have a set of grants that I need...
"Can you believe this summary statement? They said my grant proposal was too preliminary, not focused, too ambitious, just a descriptive survey, a large fishing expedition, did not have an adequate animal model, did not provide a clear rationale, and was viewed with a low level of enthusiasm. And that's just in the opening summary paragraph! There are four more pages of specific comments. What am...
"What do they mean, it's 'too ambitious'? How do they think I am going solve the Big Problem if I'm not ambitious? Who are these idiots? They aren't qualified to review my work! None of the experiments they say we need to do will tell us anything! They are just giving us busy work!" Whew! Wasn't it a relief to get that out of your system? If you have made statements like these, you know that with...
To Accept or Reject? "What do you think I should do about this paper?" you ask your colleague. "There are some obvious problems that are fixable, but it is written so poorly, it's going to take me 3 days to figure out how to tell them what they need to do." Your colleague with the curly red hair leans back in his chair. "You think you've got problems?" he says. "I have a set of grants that I need...
"With this new grant, 110% of my effort will be covered by research grants. I certainly should get a big raise--after all, what else is the department going to do with the extra money?" you say with exuberance. Your colleague replies, "Congratulations on the new grant, Dr. F. Ort. You really are doing great--this is just what the chair wants." But as you talk with your department administrator, y...
"You won't believe this new data my grad student presented at our lab meeting. It really is amazing; it opens a whole new area of research!" you say to your colleague with the curly red hair. As the weeks go by, a second set of experiments are also very compelling. But there is something fishy about the way the results are coming out. Everything seems nearly to add up to the conclusion you want, ...
"Concentrate on your research. If your research is good, no one will care if you can teach. After all, when was the last time someone got tenure for being a good teacher?" Every new assistant professor has heard this more than once. Is it really sound advice? To answer this question, it is important first to fully understand the advice being provided. The recommendation to emphasize research atte...
Greedy Gus: Negotiating an Assistant Professorship " Can you believe it? Dr. Gus, the immunology faculty candidate with the curly red hair, has asked for season's tickets for the Braves in his start-up package," the chair of the new assistant professor search committee announces at the faculty meeting. "I heard that he is using our offer to up the ante at South-by-Southeast U, responds Dr. B. Lea...
