Out of the night that covers me, black as a pit from pole to
pole, I thank whatever Gods may be for my unconquerable soul. In
the fell clutch of circumstance: I have not winced or cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance, my head is bloodied but
unbowed.
--FromInvictusby William Ernest Henley
I won't be confined by other people's notions of who I am and
what I should do. I'm starting to feel free.
Hello folks, back again for another installment of this
trip called graduate school. For those of us fortunate enough to
have seen the light at the end of the tunnel--graduation--it is
time to figure out which direction to head when I emerge months
from now, blinking, into the bright light of post-Ph.D. life.
Wherever I end up, it will be somewhere that I can live a life
conducive to my enjoyment. I've done enough self-exploration to
know that I'm not interested in living in the middle of nowhere.
I'm
single , so I don't have a
two-body problem, and that (in theory) makes things a little
easier. Here are a few of my requirements aside from stimulating
work: an international airport (I should go home every now and
then), nightlife (fun outside of work is mandatory), culture (I
love all kinds of ethnic food), and intellectually stimulating
people to talk to (hopefully more than the people I work with).
I also know that I want a faster pace in the next phase of my
life. Some of what has been so excruciating for me with graduate
school is the slow pace of change. You may work hard for a year or
more before you start to see results. And then there's that whole
justify-the-last-x-years-of-your-life-in-45-minutes thing
called a thesis defense. Yeah, I could have accelerated the pace of
change by changing thesis topics, but that would have meant
extending my penance, makingrealchange come more slowly.
Pick your poison.
I'm still in that dark tunnel and will be for a while
longer--another year or so probably--but I'm thinking ahead. There
is a small drop of dread around participating in job interviews, so
I decided to confront that fear, to take the fear of the unknown
out of the equation. When industrial recruiters came calling on my
campus, I signed up for the first round of interviews, just for the
practice. Starting my job search a year in advance means that I
don't really need, or expect, a job offer. If I get offers now,
great--more motivation to graduate. If not, it's not the end of the
world.
Starting the interview process earlier rather than later has
allowed me to do a number of things:
1. Relax during the interviews--which to me is absolutely
essential. I get to work on my interview style--honing my phrases
and answers to the "tell me about yourself and your work" and "tell
me three of your weakness/strengths" questions.
2. Get comfortable with the interview process--the more you
know, the easier it is to see where the interviewer is going, so
you're not completely surprised when they ask you "tell me about a
situation when you …"
3. Network--many of the industrial recruiters are current
employees in the division you're interested in. This is a perfect
opportunity to make new friends and see what the companies have to
offer. In addition, I can exhibit my people and technical skills;
potential employers (at least industrial ones) want to know if you
can play well with others.
I've already said that I don't intend to take a job in the
middle of Farmland U.S.A., and that's just where some of these
companies are located. But an industrial job is very tempting, no
matter where it is located. What can I say, money talks.
One of my frustrations with academe is that the reward system
isn't aligned with my values. Academic freedom is great in
principle, but worrying about money and tenure is stressful; I'm
not sure that, for me, that stress is fully offset by the
satisfaction of research. I haven't found a problem that I love
ENOUGH to sacrifice major pieces of my life for: family, kids, a
cultural life. I am a complete human being and, while I've been
willing to make some sacrifices while in graduate school, I
deserve--and fully intend--to find a life beyond graduate school
that allows me to be whole without feeling guilty. That means a
decent salaryanda decent location. So I don't think I'll be
signing on the dotted line at Podunk Inc., no matter how tempting
the offer.
I should explain what I mean by "without feeling guilty." Even
though I don't talk about
race or
gender a lot in this column, I happen to be a black woman
(shock! awe!). And everyone knows that there is a need for a
variety of role models in science--especially academic
science--from different socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds, in
other words, for people like me. And then there are the scientific
rationales, a diverse workforce bringing a diversity of
perspectives--new sets of eyes--to a scientific problem, increasing
the probability of finding the best possible solution, and all
that.
For a while now, the notion has been floating around that I
should become Professor DeWhyse, role model, academic, purveyor of
knowledge, teacher, scholar, virtue personified. Maybe some day I
will. But right now, the thought of becoming a professor is
suffocating. While that decision may disappoint some people in my
life, I must remember the last lines of William Ernest
Henley'sInvictus:"I am the master of my fate: I am the
captain of my soul."
There is no shortage of people out there who will make
fabulously happy traditional academics. Better them than me; I know
I'm not one of them. It has taken me a very long time to be
comfortable with not wanting to follow the academic path. The guilt
is receding, slowly but surely; I won't be confined by other
people's notions of who I am and what I should do. I'm starting to
feel free.
So what's on my short-term agenda? In addition to my next
pit-stop on the career train, I'd like to have time to do adjunct
teaching or lecturing; I might do some community college teaching;
shoot, I'd like to try my hand at public speaking, public radio,
writing, or acting, if someone wants to give me a chance. I have
multiple interests that I feel are worthy of my time. I am not
consumed by only one or two things that I need change on a regular
basis. I'm a woman ready to explore.
On a final note, how can we start to collectively voice our
concerns as future knowledge workers? We're researchers, we're
capable of solving problems, we like thinking about things, WE KNOW
HOW TO WORK HARD, and some of us can even play well with others. We
want to be in a stimulating and challenging environment, and while
we all won't work for the hottest companies or labs, we will still
contribute a great deal to any organization. Have brain, ready and
willing to learn, will travel …(to the right location).
You can send e-mail to Micella at
Micella_Phoenix_deWhyse@hotmail.com.