What does white signify for you? Innocence? Goodness? Why is it, then, that even the wickedest of scientists is always dressed in a lab coat as pure as the driven snow? In fact, why is white the universal colour for lab coats anyway? It always seemed illogical to me--I mean, didn't your mother warn you that white just shows the dirt? What were the mothers of these evil scientists thinking? Well, perhaps it just goes to prove my theory--that it's the lab coats that are evil. Donning one can turn the most mild-mannered scientist into a power-crazed terrorist.

I decided early in my scientific career that lab coats weren't for me. This had quite a lot to do with the frigidity of the labs in which I worked. One of them was in Scotland, but because the other was in the south of England, there really was no excuse for the fact that the average indoor winter temperature was 10°C--ah, happy days huddled round the Bunsen burner. Anyway, I'm not a small girl and the snugness of fit of the standard lab coat was not conducive to piling on the layers.

My irritation with lab coats didn't end there, however. I don't know when lab coat manufacturers last looked at their designs, but they appear to be firmly stuck somewhere circa 1975. For scientists of the female persuasion, they are invariably A-line, designed to cover knee-length crimplene--now that's what I call evil!

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So, why are lab coats always white? I think we should be told! White may be the new black, but it's not slimming. Tell us what YOU wear in the lab!

Happy April Fool's!!